Caring for a Washington parent from far away

Common misconceptions

Three things that stop distant caregivers before they start.

• MisconceptionI live too far away to really be the caregiver. Someone closer has to do it.

  RealityThe National Institute on Aging treats long-distance caregiving as a real role, not a lesser one. Most of the work is coordination, and coordination does not require you to be in the room. You can manage bills and finances, set up in-home care, keep the shared documents and calendar, and help with advance care planning from anywhere. Someone has to be the information coordinator, and that person is often the one who lives far away.

• MisconceptionI do not need to set anything up now. I can just fly in and handle it if there is an emergency.

  RealityIn an emergency, the hospital and the bank will not talk to you unless the paperwork is already in place. A financial durable power of attorney, a HIPAA authorization, and a named health-care agent have to exist before the crisis, not after. If you wait until the emergency visit, you can spend the visit locked out of the very information and accounts you flew in to handle.

• MisconceptionThere is nothing local I can set up from here. Washington programs are for people who live in Washington.

  RealityThe programs are for your parent, who does live in Washington. You do not have to live there to start them. You can call your parent's local Area Agency on Aging yourself, from any state, through Washington's statewide line, and begin information and assistance, case management, and, if your parent qualifies, Apple Health long-term care.

What to do

A workable order for setting up care from a distance. The first step gives you the structure. The rest set up the local help.

1. Step 1Build a coordination kit: shared documents, a shared calendar, and an emergency plan

   The core of long-distance caregiving is information that everyone can reach. Set up one shared place for the documents that matter: the medication list, the insurance cards, the doctors and their numbers, and the legal paperwork. Keep a shared calendar for appointments and refills so anyone helping can see it. Write a one-page emergency plan with who to call, which hospital your parent uses, and where the key documents live. This is the backbone. Every later step hangs off it.

2. Step 2Reach your parent's local Area Agency on Aging from out of state

   Washington has one statewide front door to every local Area Agency on Aging. It is called Community Living Connections. You can call it yourself, from any state, on your parent's behalf, and ask them to start information and assistance and, if it fits, case management. If you are not sure of the local office, the federal Eldercare Locator finds any Area Agency on Aging in the country by ZIP code, so you can look up the one that covers your parent's address.

   What to say

   “My mother lives in Washington and I live out of state. I am helping coordinate her care. Can you connect me with the Area Agency on Aging for her area and start an information and assistance intake?”

   What to expect

   They take her ZIP code, point you to the local agency, and open an intake. If she may qualify for help paying for care, they route you toward a Home and Community Services assessment for Apple Health long-term care.

3. Step 3Consider hiring an Aging Life Care Professional as your local eyes and hands

   When family is far away, an Aging Life Care Professional, once called a geriatric care manager, is the person who can be there in person. They hold degrees in fields like social work, nursing, or gerontology. They do home visits, go to doctor appointments, watch for changes, and report back to you. This is private-pay, not covered by Medicare, but for a distant family it can be the difference between guessing and knowing. You can search the Aging Life Care Association directory for someone near your parent.

4. Step 4Set up in-home care, and check whether Apple Health and COPES can pay for it

   In-home help with bathing, dressing, meals, and the day-to-day is what most parents need first. If your parent has limited income and assets, Washington's Apple Health (Medicaid) and the COPES waiver can fund that in-home care. This runs through the local Home and Community Services office or Area Agency on Aging, the same front door from the earlier step. A free assessment rates how much help your parent needs. In many cases a family member can even be the paid aide.

5. Step 5Get the durable power of attorney and HIPAA authorization in place

   To act from another state, you need the legal paperwork that lets you act and lets people share information with you. A financial durable power of attorney lets you handle money and bills. A HIPAA authorization lets doctors and hospitals talk to you. A named health-care agent lets you make medical decisions if your parent cannot. Get these done while your parent can still sign, not during the emergency. A separate guide on the legal and money paperwork goes deeper on each one.

What other caregivers have learned

Patterns that come up again and again from caregivers doing this from a distance, put into our voice.

• The distant sibling often carries more of the load than anyone realizes, because the phone calls, the bills, and the scheduling do not care where you live.
• Setting up one shared place for the documents and one shared calendar, early, is the thing distant caregivers say saved them the most stress later.
• Hiring someone local to be the eyes and hands, even for a few hours a month, is what finally let some caregivers sleep. Paying for it felt like a lot until the first time that person caught something a phone call never would have.
• The families who put the power of attorney and the HIPAA authorization in place before anything went wrong describe the emergency as hard but manageable. The ones who did not describe being locked out at the worst possible moment.

Synthesized from public caregiver communities. Paraphrased, not quoted.

Local resources for this

The local resource that anchors long-distance care in Washington.

• Your parent's Area Agency on Aging

  This is your front door to everything local. They run information and assistance, case management, and the assessment for Apple Health long-term care. You can call on your parent's behalf from another state. Washington's statewide line, Community Living Connections, is 1-855-567-0252, and it routes you to the office that covers your parent's address.

When to bring in a professional

When you need a person on the ground or a way to find the right local office.

If you cannot tell which local office covers your parent, or you want a paid professional who can be there in person, these two are where distant caregivers start. The Eldercare Locator finds any Area Agency on Aging in the country by ZIP code. The Aging Life Care Association directory finds a private-pay care manager near your parent. For the legal paperwork itself, see the guide on the legal and money side of caregiving.

• Eldercare Locator

  Free national service that finds any local Area Agency on Aging and other aging services by ZIP code. Useful when you are out of state and do not know your parent's local office.

  1-800-677-1116
• Aging Life Care Association directory

  Find an Aging Life Care Professional, formerly called a geriatric care manager, near your parent. They are your paid local eyes and hands. This is private-pay and not covered by Medicare.

  Open this resource →